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| Q: | I have a question for you to answer that I've been wondering about for quite sometime. I've looked in books for the answer, but no one seems to want to comment on it...because it's a touchy subject...and no one really wants to confront a touchy subject. OK, here's my question: "Everyone" is willing to say that sex before marriage is wrong. Which I know! But I'm wondering where is the line of sexual actions becoming a sin, and what makes it a sin: petting, fingering, oral sex, and hand jobs? Also, where in the Bible does it talk about this...I've looked it up and seen sexual immorality, but what is sexually immoral? Is it adiaphora, for example, if a person feels it's wrong and continues to do it they are sinning, or is it specifically stated in the Bible? Basically, I want to know what exactly is sexually immoral. This is something my friends and I continue to struggle with, especially being college students in a sinful world. Thanks so much!!! | ||||||
| A: | According to our Savior, the sin against the sixth commandment begins already in the heart and in our thoughts. Jesus declared, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery'. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28). If the lustful look and thought are already a breaking of the sixth commandment, the activities you mentioned between individuals who are not husband and wife are also sinful. St. Paul warns, "Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature" (Romans 13:13-14). The activities you mentioned involve the stimulation of the primary and secondary sexual organs for the purpose of sexual gratification. God created humans as sexual beings, but has limited sexual relations to husband and wife to be enjoyed in marriage. Since God limits sexual relations to those who are married, those who engage in sexual intimacy outside the bonds of marriage are sinning (Hebrews 13:4). Engaging in activities that involve sexual intimacy and the stimulation of the sexual organs is immoral when done outside of marriage. In all areas of life, including sexual intimacy, God expects us to be guided by his Word, not by the attitudes and practices of society. St. Paul writes, "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit" (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). The sexual temptation is so strong and God is so serious about our avoiding sins against the sixth commandment that he tells us, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body" (1 Corinthians 6:18). Stimulating someone's genitals is not fleeing sexual immorality, but engaging in it to gratify sinful desires. Again the Bible warns, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person (such a man is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them" (Ephesians 5:3-7). The activities you mentioned are sinful for those who are not married to each other. God calls those who have committed sin to repent, to turn from their sinful thoughts and actions, and to trust in him for full and free forgiveness. | ||||||
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