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| Q: | This is hard for me to write, but I've been trying to deal with this for a while on my own and I just need to have some guidance. My husband and I have been married for two years now. A couple of months ago I made a horrible mistake and slept with my brother-in-law. I confessed everything to my husband, and he has chosen to forgive me. I have also confessed my sins to God, and I know he also forgives me. The problem is that some family members will not even think about forgiving me. I am also having a hard time forgiving myself. I love my husband's family deeply and I hate that I have caused them so much pain. I guess my question is how can I get them to see that I'm not a terrible person? I just made a huge mistake. And how do I let go of the guilt of the pain I caused them and my husband? I know that the answer to all my problems is my faith in God. I'm just not sure how to apply my faith to this situation. please help me find the answer. | ||||||
| A: | Thank you for your message. You have given a wonderful confession of your sin and of your faith in Jesus for forgiveness. You are concerned because what you did seems to be so hard for some people to forgive. I imagine that these people are just as angry at your brother-in-law as they are at you. It takes two people to sin like this, and the fallout can be very harsh within families. You do not say that he was married, and you do not say how his marriage is doing. I am happy that your husband has forgiven you and that your marriage is continuing. It is a joy to read that the answer to all of your problems is your faith in God. But--how will certain family members ever forgive you, and how will you ever learn how to forgive yourself? No one can guarantee that another person will forgive. God must work that work of love. I want to describe forgiveness in this way. Forgiveness comes from God. Jesus went to the cross to earn forgiveness for us and for all people of all the world. There is no one left out. Not even sinners like me and you are left out. Since we are forgiven by God through faith in Jesus, so we therefore forgive others. Since I am forgiven by God through faith in Jesus, I therefore forgive myself. Listen to what God says about Jesus making the world right with God. 2 Corinthians 5:19 “that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” The message of reconciliation is the message that Jesus is the one Savior of all people. He is the one who died and arose again to pay for the sins of all people. You and I are not left out. Jesus has done it all for all of us. He has made us right with God. Now Jesus did that for you. He paid on the cross for your sin of adultery. He paid for the sin of adultery of your brother-in-law on the cross. He paid for the hurt that you have given to your husband’s family. He paid for the betrayal that your act of adultery was to your husband. Jesus has paid for your sins. God accepts what Jesus did as payment for your sins. Romans 5:1-2 “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.” Since this is true--and it is true because God says it is true--that Jesus has made you right with God and at peace with God by his work on the cross and his resurrection in victory for you, how can you be wrestling so with forgiving yourself? I do not mean this to be accusing you in any way. I just want you to think about it. Since Jesus has forgiven you, who are you not to forgive yourself? Really, you are just passing on the forgiveness that God has for you to yourself. It is already yours, but you are applying it to yourself. “God has forgiven me. I forgive me.” You forgive because Jesus has forgiven. But even if you cannot forgive yourself, Jesus has. If God’s Son has done this for you, stop standing in God’s way. Forgive yourself. An important thing for you to do is to continue to live as a faithful wife to your husband. That will be a God pleasing fruit of your faith in Jesus and of the forgiveness that you have from God. It may also be what your husband’s family will notice your humble Christian life and forgiveness will come from them. After saying all of this, I want to note that you have said that you have been wrestling with this all by yourself for some time. It will be good for you to confess this to your pastor and to talk about your faith in Jesus to him. He will be able to help you face-to-face more than my written words can help you. God bless you! | ||||||
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