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| Q: | My parents are in their late 70’s, and although they are both mentally stable, they have many health problems. My dad has been in a nursing home for almost two year and has adjusted well to this situation; however my mom has not. She dwells on how things use to be; listening to sad music and constantly thinking about the past, which makes her miserable. I understand how difficult it is for her to make this adjustment after 60 years of married life but since she cannot care for him herself and they cannot afford round the clock home nursing care, this is the only possible solution. He receives good care at the nursing home and although his condition has actually improved and he does come home for a few hours at a time, there is no hope of him ever moving back home. My mother has been on an anti-depressant for the past few years and sees her doctor on a regular basis. I have suggested counseling might help her deal with her feelings, but she refuses. She recently joined my WELS church, goes to church and Bible study regularly, and leads me to believe she has talked with our pastor concerning this situation. I encourage her to try concentrating on her blessings instead of what “cannot” ever be. She has a nice apartment in a secure senior building within walking distance of her children. She has many friends in the complex and enjoys the activities offered there. She talks to my dad every day on the phone, visits him once or twice every week, has four sisters she sees occasionally, and I provide transportation for grocery shopping and doctor’s appointments. Most important she and my dad still have each other; she has many blessings to be thankful for. I am hoping you can give me advice from a Biblical sense that I might pass on to her concerning her attitude. Everyone understands and sympathizes with her situation, however I know that sometimes things do not turn out the way we desire and when this happens, we need to trust God, count the blessings we have, and move on. | ||||||||
| A: | Thank you for your kindness and your concern for your mother. It sounds like you are doing everything possible for your father and her. There is always tremendous trauma when a move that we do not want occurs. You describe it as a change to make it more general. But your mother has seen her husband move away from her. At least, that is the way that she is thinking about it right now. That said, this is almost two years now that this mood that you describe as being very down has been a part of your mother’s life. That is too long. I would encourage you to talk to your pastor about your mother and your concerns for her. Ask your mother if you can go with her to see her doctor who has prescribed the "anti-depressant" medication and talk with him or her about her mood and her attitude. It may be that your mother’s down mood is because of her sense of loss. But it is lasting a very long time and it is not healthy for her to be going through that. If your pastor has not been meeting with her regularly, he may want to begin doing that to see if her mood will be lifted by the Word of God as he speaks it to her. Here are some Bible passages that I would suggest. Psalm 23 Psalm 46 Romans 8:28 (NIV) 28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Hebrews 13:4-5 (NIV) “… be content with what you have, because God has said, ’Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” God’s blessings! | ||||||||
This is recent question #3 of 50
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